Excerpt from the book Six Kids, Four Months and One Camper :
It took us maybe an hour to get everything set-up. By this point, the other two dogs HAD heard Bella’s barking and found their way back. Both dogs were soaking wet from playing in some of the ponds on the property. There was still a bit of water in the second water tank, so Erik hooked-up the hose and battery pump and sprayed the dogs down after they’d been caught and leashed. Neither seemed to mind, then we put all 3 back into the kennel yard. We had filled their dog house with hay, so it was nice and cozy for them. Instead though, they all curled-up in a pile together in the soft grass and fell asleep. We positioned the bird cage next to the kennel yard, so any animals would be too scared to try to break into the cage and eat a pigeon dinner.
Yes, it took the kids that long to notice. Jada was the first to finally realize a blue porta-potty stood next to the camper.
“Sweet! You guys got a porta-potty?” She looked at it curiously.
Abby walked over. She opened the door and stuck her head in. “Wow, that’s pretty nice! Better tell Dad not to make it all gross – wait, Suzanne, isn’t it the guys that always make porta-potties gross?”
I grinned with a light chuckle, “not necessarily Ab. Usually it’s a mixture of too many people, guys peeing on the floor, and people puking. You’re thinking of porta-poties at the fair, right?”
“Yeah! You gotta open like 7 before you find one that’s not gross. Dad, you’d better not pee on the floor! You too Eian!”
Erik, who had been lounging in a chair talking with Brea, looked up. “What?! I’m not using that thing! I’m peeing wherever I feel like it.”
Brea grinned at him as she stood up. “Yeah, and you’re gonna poop at work, huh Dad!” She rolled her eyes.
“Yep! You losers get the porta-potty!”
Brea suddenly realized the full extent of the conversation, “what?! I don’t want to use a nasty porta-potty either! I’m going to go to school smelling like a porta-potty! Why can’t we just use the camper toilet?”
“It’s actually pretty nice in there Brea, you should see,” Abby opened the door and motioned for her sister to go in.
“Yeah, and the guy comes out once a week to clean it too, so it’s should stay clean even if your Dad DOES pee on the floor.” I smiled reassuringly at Brea.
Brea walked over to it while Abby held the door open.
“Brea, if you walk in all the way and shut the door, there’s a really cool mirror on the back!”
“What?” Brea walked into the porta potty and shut the door.
Abby quickly threw herself at the door, pushing against it.
“Eian, help me trap her inside!”
“WHAT?!” A muffled voice shrieked from inside.
“Move out of the way losers, let me show you how a pro does it!”
With that, Erik deftly turned the blue potty box so that the door side was against the side of the camper. Screams billowed out from inside.
“DAAAAAAD! No, it’s gonna spill porta-potty juice all over me! I’m going to be covered in crap! Noooooo, PLEASE!”
Erik was now laughing hysterically and dancing around. “Brea, you’re making me have to pee! Oh and if you see my turd nugget from yesterday be sure to say “Hi” to it! Mine’s the one with all the big corn chunks in it!”
“You didn’t really poop in there, Dad! You just said you poop at work!” Abby corrected. “Brea, he’s just messing with you.”
“Nope, I took one this morning!”
“And the other day when it arrived,” Nuriel added matter-of-factly.
“Oh yeah, I forgot about that one! That was a nice juicy hot one!”
Eian began giggling. “Did your turd really have corn chunks in it Dad?”
“How the hell would I know? I didn’t look at it when it came out!”
Eian shrugged bashfully, “I don’t know. I look at mine when they’re floating in the toilet . . .”
“Eian you’re disgusting! Looking at floating poops!” Abby scowled.
“What? It’s not my fault!”
More screams and groaning from inside the porta-potty jail, “Argh! I see it! It DOES have chunks of corn in it! DAAAAAAD!”
“Brea why are you LOOKING at the POOP? You’re disgusting!” Abby scolded.
“What? I can’t help it, it’s floating right there!”
“Then shut the lid!”
“Lid? Oh yeah! Ugh! I think I can smell it! Dad, I’m gonna puke! Let me out!”
“Good thing you’re in a porta-potty,” Abby chirped gleefully. “Wait, no! Don’t puke in the porta-potty! No puking in there, it will make it gross! Dad, let Brea out, she’s going to make it gross in there so no one else can use it!” Abby grabbed Erik and pushed him closer to the potty.
This only got Erik going more and he ran to the Journey and pulled out a ratchet strap. He inched the potty door away from the camper just enough to shimmy the strap around the entire box, then ratchet it tight.
“Kids! You ever tip a porta potty over? It’s like cow-tipping, city style!”
“WHAAAAAAT?!” Brea screeched.
Eian began jumping up and down excitedly urging Erik to tip it, while Abby and Nuriel began to feel bad for Brea who sounded very close to crying by this point.
Erik and Eian both grabbed ahold of the potty and began tipping it backwards. Brea began screaming hysterically, smashing herself into the door with no luck.
“NOOOOOOOOOO! The juice! It’s gonna gush all over me! Dad! PLEASE!” Brea sobbed.
Erik tipped it partway back and shook it around a bit. You couldn’t help but laugh hysterically at the choppy screeches that spurted out on every shake! Even Nuriel and Abby were on the ground laughing and trying not to pee!
Finally Erik decided Brea had had enough and turned it back around and unstrapped it. Brea burst out of the door. She gulped a few fresh breaths of air then turned toward Erik.
“You jerk!” She punched him several good blows into his arm as the snot flew from her nose, tangling into her long hair. Erik pretended to cry out in pain with each punch.
“Jeez Brea, you don’t have to beat-up on your poor ‘ol Dad!”
“You deserved it!” She shot back.